I have not been able to write for awhile. I have been crazy busy planning for my big move! I have been slacking on the staying single part because I have let my ex back in my life! However, I recently accepted a position at a company a couple of hours away from home. I will be moving on the 18th so I will definitely be single then because my ex is staying here in my home town. It will be a fresh start for me! I plan to start focusing on myself and my health and career. I’m ready to start over and get things on track in my life. I have to stay motivated and be successful at my new job. I have been known in the past to be late for work or call in sick a lot, and I cannot do that at this new job. It’s time to be an adult and handle my business. I want this year to be the year I get it together and learn to be on my own. I know I can do this I just need to stay focused on my goals!!!
I am so frustrated. I have this Bachelor degree yet I cannot find a job. I have been applying but have heard nothing back. I had one job offer but I had to turn it down because the pay wasn’t reasonable for living expenses in the area. I just want to get a job away from here and get moved so I can start over fresh!!! Someone hire me!!!!! Please!!!!
So I’ve been single for almost three weeks I think and at first, as you have read, it was really hard. I was sad and felt alone. Recently, things have been changing. I feel like myself again. Something has definitely shifted.
I have had my little slip ups with calling my ex when I knew I shouldn’t have. I had him over a few times, but lately I have enjoyed being alone. I clean my house and watch the shows I want on tv. I have even been reading again! I feel good!
The past few days, my ex has still been begging to come over. I keep telling him no but he is persistent. I know this is really hard for him and he is really hurting. I don’t want to completely quit texting him because I know it will kill him. Just listening to myself as I type this, I know how pathetic it sounds. I should be worrying about myself and not him, but that’s just who I am. I’m too nice and I care too much about others. I’m struggling with it. I don’t want him around because I’m happy and I’m finally doing well, but then again it’s so hard to completely quit talking. I’m lost right now when it comes to how to handle this!!! Ugh…
First of all, Happy New Year everyone! I was a little under the weather yesterday due to my NYE fun so I didn’t get to post. I have a confession. I messed up already this year. I had my ex over when I was a little intoxicated after the NYE party. Huge mistake. I enjoyed the company, but it is just going to make this break up even harder. I let him stay all day yesterday and last night and took him home today. What was I thinking?
Now, as I sit here alone once again, it’s already harder again. I feel okay but can’t stop thinking about what I did. I can’t stop thinking about him and the fact that it was so nice having someone here again. I know I need to stay away and stick to my guns as far as the split goes but it’s definitely difficult. I’m learning though. I guess it was just a minor set back. I know I am strong and I know I can do this. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
On another front, I still haven’t found a job. I need to focus on that. I want to move and get away from this small town, that will definitely help. If I move away then I can’t go and call him when I’m sad. I also need to stop drinking because clearly I make poor decisions when I do. It’s a new year and I think I have a few resolutions I need to set in place!!!
Today I am feeling pretty good. I spent the entire day alone yesterday and I was just fine with it. I’m extremely proud of myself. Everyday I am getting a little bit stronger, I can feel it. I’m sure I will still have some sad patches, but it’s getting better. I don’t want or need anyone but me. Tonight is New Years Eve and I plan to celebrate with some friends and then return home alone. I want to wake up in 2017 solo!! Fresh new start in a fresh new year!! Happy New Year everyone!!!! Best wishes!!
I am going through many changes right now and I feel like renewing myself is exactly what I am doing! Time for a major change! https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/renewal/