Today I am thankful for my home. I have seen so many homeless people around in this ice and snow it makes me so sad for them. Sometimes we take for granted the basic things in life. I am so grateful to have heat and a roof over my head!!!
I am so frustrated. I have this Bachelor degree yet I cannot find a job. I have been applying but have heard nothing back. I had one job offer but I had to turn it down because the pay wasn’t reasonable for living expenses in the area. I just want to get a job away from here and get moved so I can start over fresh!!! Someone hire me!!!!! Please!!!!
So I’ve been single for almost three weeks I think and at first, as you have read, it was really hard. I was sad and felt alone. Recently, things have been changing. I feel like myself again. Something has definitely shifted.
I have had my little slip ups with calling my ex when I knew I shouldn’t have. I had him over a few times, but lately I have enjoyed being alone. I clean my house and watch the shows I want on tv. I have even been reading again! I feel good!
The past few days, my ex has still been begging to come over. I keep telling him no but he is persistent. I know this is really hard for him and he is really hurting. I don’t want to completely quit texting him because I know it will kill him. Just listening to myself as I type this, I know how pathetic it sounds. I should be worrying about myself and not him, but that’s just who I am. I’m too nice and I care too much about others. I’m struggling with it. I don’t want him around because I’m happy and I’m finally doing well, but then again it’s so hard to completely quit talking. I’m lost right now when it comes to how to handle this!!! Ugh…
Today I am thankful for my strength. I am extremely upset that I had a lapse in judgement the other night, but I am so proud of myself that I was strong enough to take my ex back home today and return to being alone. My strength is what will get me through this!
First of all, Happy New Year everyone! I was a little under the weather yesterday due to my NYE fun so I didn’t get to post. I have a confession. I messed up already this year. I had my ex over when I was a little intoxicated after the NYE party. Huge mistake. I enjoyed the company, but it is just going to make this break up even harder. I let him stay all day yesterday and last night and took him home today. What was I thinking?
Now, as I sit here alone once again, it’s already harder again. I feel okay but can’t stop thinking about what I did. I can’t stop thinking about him and the fact that it was so nice having someone here again. I know I need to stay away and stick to my guns as far as the split goes but it’s definitely difficult. I’m learning though. I guess it was just a minor set back. I know I am strong and I know I can do this. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
On another front, I still haven’t found a job. I need to focus on that. I want to move and get away from this small town, that will definitely help. If I move away then I can’t go and call him when I’m sad. I also need to stop drinking because clearly I make poor decisions when I do. It’s a new year and I think I have a few resolutions I need to set in place!!!