Thankful for…12/31/16

Today I am thankful for everything I accomplished in 2016. I can’t wait to see what 2017 brings as I start my new chapter in life!!

Advertisements

A little bit stronger

Today I am feeling pretty good. I spent the entire day alone yesterday and I was just fine with it. I’m extremely proud of myself. Everyday I am getting a little bit stronger, I can feel it. I’m sure I will still have some sad patches, but it’s getting better. I don’t want or need anyone but me. Tonight is New Years Eve and I plan to celebrate with some friends and then return home alone. I want to wake up in 2017 solo!! Fresh new start in a fresh new year!! Happy New Year everyone!!!! Best wishes!! 

Chosen side 

I have decided that this guy is just not worth the emotions and effort. I need to focus on me and quit worrying about other bull shit. He is an awesome guy but he’s also difficult and has a lot going on in his life. I think that with my current situation I just need to be alone. I have really never been happy with being alone. I want to know what that feels like so badly. People who live alone and do their own thing are strong individuals and I need that in my life. I’m tired of being weak and depending on other people to make me happy. I know I’m on a rant today so I apologize I just have a lot of emotions in my mind right now. It’s nice to be able to get them out here. It’s crazy how I can be so focused on myself one day and then after a couple days with somebody I got off track. This tells me something. It tells me that I’m absolutely codependent right now and I’m ready to be INDEPENDENT for once in my life. I don’t need a males attention to make me appreciate myself. I’m the only person I need to make me happy, at least that’s what I’m telling myself. I can do this.

On the fence

As I lay here in bed, I can’t stop thinking about what I really want. I want to learn to be single and alone because I know that I can’t ever truly love anyone else if I don’t love myself. However, on the other hand I really enjoy the company of a certain person I have been hanging out with lately. I know in my heart it’s too soon after my last relationship to even think about starting a new one. Also, I was just starting to truly adjust to the idea of living alone. I like the solitude at times and I enjoy how productive I have been. I also have seen a huge difference in my happiness. Living alone gets sad and lonely at times but it’s also liberating and enlightening. Should I tell this new friend that I can’t continue to see them, or should I keep them around just as nothing more than a friend? My biggest fear is that I will grow feelings for this person simply because I’m alone and sad from a break up, when really, I should be working on the feelings I have for myself. He is so sweet and funny and makes me laugh but that doesn’t make it right. So confused….not to mention I will hopefully be moving soon and getting feelings for another person will only make things harder!! Ugh 😑 life…